Middle Road
What science has to offer by bringing up the term assertive in communication is actually a middle ground. Middle way here is the most appropriate way, most smaller negative, or at least close to the effectiveness and efficiency in communication. Much evidence suggests that communicating assertively to improve productivity, harmony, and far from the conflict that is triggered by trivial things.
As we all know, a common understanding of asertivitas it is a person's ability to express what she feels in ways that are polite, be accepted by the universal human instinct (considering the position of others), and by selecting a sentence, argument, or reason. In some literature, communication is often described that it is asertivitas person's ability to express opinions, feelings, attitudes and rights in a way that convinces without violating the rights of others (Self-assertion for Women, Pamela Butler, 1981, etc.)
For example we received a sms to attend the launching ceremony of his book that dipanitia own comrades. With just a quick read, we already know for sure that we can not come to a very specific reason. We then respond by apologizing and thanks for the invitation. To be more assertive again, we added a sentence, please, next time I notified a day or two days earlier so he could manage time. This is probably just a common example.
The opposite of assertiveness (extreme right) is ignored what we feel about other people (non-assertive passive). Many of the seeds of conflict that eventually turned into a big koflik out of control because the feeling ignored. To borrow the phrase Hawk Williams (1996), suppress feelings (especially negative about another person), especially the potential to make us lose a healthy perspective on the man. The purpose of a healthy perspective here is that we can no longer see the positive side of all the negative side we versican about that person. We have concluded unanimously that John Doe was indeed ugly. In fact, it's possible he's still got the good.
Say in our house there was a worker, whether it's a driver or helper (read: domestic workers) or other. According to us, he had been frequently made mistakes, but we just kept hoping he was aware of its own without direct him not to say it or make mistakes. If this continues to happen, so maybe we'll lose perspective. In fact, if we want to express our feelings assertively, this might not happen.
His opponent again (extreme left) is unable to suppress a feeling (non-assertive aggressive). Without a sense of sin we express what we feel about other people and we do not want to care whether our language is good in the recipient's feelings or not. The important thing for us is that we have to express what it is. To convince the recipient, we plead with honesty. "Honestly lho I say it!"
Well, in any scientific literature, whose name asertivitas was strongly associated with the term ability (the ABILITY); even in the management literature calls by the term competence. The point here is, someone to be assertive because there is a process improvement effort undertaken or are there ways to improve his communication. This differs with his opponent's two (extreme right and left). No one calls this capability. Both are often referred to as the "attitude".
Indeed, to become assertive in demonstrating that feeling there is no easy way. In the sense that once there was a direct desire materialize into reality. People who classmate Tony Blair have admitted this. As quoted in a number of sites of motivation, he said Tony Blair had said this: "The difficult part is to say" No "
Ability in partnering with
others are "commodities" that are expensive.
(John D Rockefeller)
Measure Level Asertivitas
As I alluded to earlier, it had the capability asertivitas. His name is also the ability, of course is related to how far we have been improving that ability. Just as a personal reference, we can make the directions below as a guide to self improvement.
Asertivitas we are still low when the way we communicate is still dominated by the following general characteristics:
* We often choose silence for fear of hate others, fear of misunderstanding, or fear of the person offended, or resentful.
* We are more often choosing to express what it is from what we feel about other people without thinking about language, expressions, and feelings of others (hit kromo)
* We often use language that is normative or explanation (too polite) so that the point where, why and addressed to siapanya unclear. The more so if we add more with the statement that Ngalor ngidul.
To level the already asertivitas medium, the directions that we can make the guidelines include:
* We are more often able to express feelings to others content with the language and phrases we target selection and we want to understand other people.
* We are more often able to direct others with a detailed explanation and reason so that others could catch it or it could encourage others to improve their achievement
* We've been able to say "No" and "Yes" for a reason, needs and circumstances are right. We say "No" to a demand that is not rational.
* We've been able to explain the lack of other people with the spirit, language, and explanations that encourage others to fix it. For example, we have used the data, facts, references or the flow of scientific thinking more clearly and concretely
* We've been able to melt the ngeyel's, defensivitas, and the subjectivity of others in a good way, including able to explain the consequences of his actions in detail and acceptable.
While included in the category of high-level features generally include:
* We're not afraid of the potential for conflict, not even the fishing had caused the conflict, and above all else, we have often proved capable of dealing with conflict well.
* We have trained travel ways conflict with an open, fair, and focuses on issues, problems, interests, or expediency, not because of personal sentiments, or to use in ways that in the back (stab in the back)
* We are used to resolve conflicts with a decision to consent, whether they agree to agree or agree to disagree, or have been used to negotiate a win-win or a lose-lose. The term is a gentle face the problem.
"Two people can not become familiar if
fail to forgive a small failure. "
(Jean De La Bruyere)
Obstacles & Solutions
Normally, everyone would crave an assertive way of communicating. But to realize it needed the ability to know and overcome several obstacles, both internal or external. General, of all barriers that include:
First, defeated by the stereotypes that we create for themselves or by others. If we've concluded this is my style as a woman or a man, as someone born in Batak, Javanese, or Madura, almost certainly we fail to improve, although we really can afford. According to the experience of many people, which rational way to beat the stereotype is to bring encouragement to change and find a model of people who were ever a stereotype like us. If we conclude this long because the woman's we who make us often harbored feelings, we can find another woman who can express their feelings assertively.
Second, lazy thinking, does he want a shortcut, and semisalnya, so we failed to find language, expression, or a nice style acceptable to others. For those who did not used to express feelings assertively, the exercise is to create a mental scenario coupled with a reference to another person. For example we have to imagine what we say to deal with the A when this, this and this. If we do not have a stance, we can imitate other people. This indeed does not guarantee success, but as an exercise, it is required.
Third, defeated by the opinions, conceptions, and negative perceptions of our own making. A father who has created many negative opinions about her son who named the A, for example naughty just remember, remember the drop in value, remember pembangkangannya course, almost certainly difficult to communicate assertively. Which will appear sooner is a phrase or a style that is triggered by a sense of disappointment and anger. Of note Dr. Dilip Abayasekara, Ph.D., asertivitas was strongly associated with attitude and our assessment. "If you respect, honor and love something, you easily become assertive about something that", he wrote.
Fourth, keminderan or low sense of responsibility. Keminderan stems from fear (fear), a sense of lack (lack), and a sense of blank (empty). Fear can make us harbored feelings for too long or too fast blow feelings. If we are often quick "nyolot", does not mean it is the courage that drives us, but more often an uncontrollable fear.
In other words, to increase asertivitas, which required not merely memorize the tip to communicate, but rather on the improvement of the soul. The more "confident" of our souls, the more assertive way of our communication. The soul could be improved "confident" equip them with data, facts, experience, commitment, or knowledge in that field. For example, we do not agree with the opinions of people a lot about an affair. So far we have an intimate knowledge of that area, we fear we must decrease or remain confident with our stance. Elimination of fear and increased self-confidence can make your chest wider.
Fifth, the faster the bait or manipulated by the situation. This we can see on the highway. Tersenggol people just a little, want to fight directly. Even a bride who drove a luxury to be wed only once because the car can fight blisters. This can happen because we are easily carried by emotions and situations that place. Indeed, recognized or not, where and when it affects someone asertivitas. So we do not quickly rise to the bait, the way that is needed is self control and direct mouth squabbles with the agreement, decision or settlement.
"If the tool you have is a hammer, you will
brought to view all problems as nails. "
What science has to offer by bringing up the term assertive in communication is actually a middle ground. Middle way here is the most appropriate way, most smaller negative, or at least close to the effectiveness and efficiency in communication. Much evidence suggests that communicating assertively to improve productivity, harmony, and far from the conflict that is triggered by trivial things.
As we all know, a common understanding of asertivitas it is a person's ability to express what she feels in ways that are polite, be accepted by the universal human instinct (considering the position of others), and by selecting a sentence, argument, or reason. In some literature, communication is often described that it is asertivitas person's ability to express opinions, feelings, attitudes and rights in a way that convinces without violating the rights of others (Self-assertion for Women, Pamela Butler, 1981, etc.)
For example we received a sms to attend the launching ceremony of his book that dipanitia own comrades. With just a quick read, we already know for sure that we can not come to a very specific reason. We then respond by apologizing and thanks for the invitation. To be more assertive again, we added a sentence, please, next time I notified a day or two days earlier so he could manage time. This is probably just a common example.
The opposite of assertiveness (extreme right) is ignored what we feel about other people (non-assertive passive). Many of the seeds of conflict that eventually turned into a big koflik out of control because the feeling ignored. To borrow the phrase Hawk Williams (1996), suppress feelings (especially negative about another person), especially the potential to make us lose a healthy perspective on the man. The purpose of a healthy perspective here is that we can no longer see the positive side of all the negative side we versican about that person. We have concluded unanimously that John Doe was indeed ugly. In fact, it's possible he's still got the good.
Say in our house there was a worker, whether it's a driver or helper (read: domestic workers) or other. According to us, he had been frequently made mistakes, but we just kept hoping he was aware of its own without direct him not to say it or make mistakes. If this continues to happen, so maybe we'll lose perspective. In fact, if we want to express our feelings assertively, this might not happen.
His opponent again (extreme left) is unable to suppress a feeling (non-assertive aggressive). Without a sense of sin we express what we feel about other people and we do not want to care whether our language is good in the recipient's feelings or not. The important thing for us is that we have to express what it is. To convince the recipient, we plead with honesty. "Honestly lho I say it!"
Well, in any scientific literature, whose name asertivitas was strongly associated with the term ability (the ABILITY); even in the management literature calls by the term competence. The point here is, someone to be assertive because there is a process improvement effort undertaken or are there ways to improve his communication. This differs with his opponent's two (extreme right and left). No one calls this capability. Both are often referred to as the "attitude".
Indeed, to become assertive in demonstrating that feeling there is no easy way. In the sense that once there was a direct desire materialize into reality. People who classmate Tony Blair have admitted this. As quoted in a number of sites of motivation, he said Tony Blair had said this: "The difficult part is to say" No "
Ability in partnering with
others are "commodities" that are expensive.
(John D Rockefeller)
Measure Level Asertivitas
As I alluded to earlier, it had the capability asertivitas. His name is also the ability, of course is related to how far we have been improving that ability. Just as a personal reference, we can make the directions below as a guide to self improvement.
Asertivitas we are still low when the way we communicate is still dominated by the following general characteristics:
* We often choose silence for fear of hate others, fear of misunderstanding, or fear of the person offended, or resentful.
* We are more often choosing to express what it is from what we feel about other people without thinking about language, expressions, and feelings of others (hit kromo)
* We often use language that is normative or explanation (too polite) so that the point where, why and addressed to siapanya unclear. The more so if we add more with the statement that Ngalor ngidul.
To level the already asertivitas medium, the directions that we can make the guidelines include:
* We are more often able to express feelings to others content with the language and phrases we target selection and we want to understand other people.
* We are more often able to direct others with a detailed explanation and reason so that others could catch it or it could encourage others to improve their achievement
* We've been able to say "No" and "Yes" for a reason, needs and circumstances are right. We say "No" to a demand that is not rational.
* We've been able to explain the lack of other people with the spirit, language, and explanations that encourage others to fix it. For example, we have used the data, facts, references or the flow of scientific thinking more clearly and concretely
* We've been able to melt the ngeyel's, defensivitas, and the subjectivity of others in a good way, including able to explain the consequences of his actions in detail and acceptable.
While included in the category of high-level features generally include:
* We're not afraid of the potential for conflict, not even the fishing had caused the conflict, and above all else, we have often proved capable of dealing with conflict well.
* We have trained travel ways conflict with an open, fair, and focuses on issues, problems, interests, or expediency, not because of personal sentiments, or to use in ways that in the back (stab in the back)
* We are used to resolve conflicts with a decision to consent, whether they agree to agree or agree to disagree, or have been used to negotiate a win-win or a lose-lose. The term is a gentle face the problem.
"Two people can not become familiar if
fail to forgive a small failure. "
(Jean De La Bruyere)
Obstacles & Solutions
Normally, everyone would crave an assertive way of communicating. But to realize it needed the ability to know and overcome several obstacles, both internal or external. General, of all barriers that include:
First, defeated by the stereotypes that we create for themselves or by others. If we've concluded this is my style as a woman or a man, as someone born in Batak, Javanese, or Madura, almost certainly we fail to improve, although we really can afford. According to the experience of many people, which rational way to beat the stereotype is to bring encouragement to change and find a model of people who were ever a stereotype like us. If we conclude this long because the woman's we who make us often harbored feelings, we can find another woman who can express their feelings assertively.
Second, lazy thinking, does he want a shortcut, and semisalnya, so we failed to find language, expression, or a nice style acceptable to others. For those who did not used to express feelings assertively, the exercise is to create a mental scenario coupled with a reference to another person. For example we have to imagine what we say to deal with the A when this, this and this. If we do not have a stance, we can imitate other people. This indeed does not guarantee success, but as an exercise, it is required.
Third, defeated by the opinions, conceptions, and negative perceptions of our own making. A father who has created many negative opinions about her son who named the A, for example naughty just remember, remember the drop in value, remember pembangkangannya course, almost certainly difficult to communicate assertively. Which will appear sooner is a phrase or a style that is triggered by a sense of disappointment and anger. Of note Dr. Dilip Abayasekara, Ph.D., asertivitas was strongly associated with attitude and our assessment. "If you respect, honor and love something, you easily become assertive about something that", he wrote.
Fourth, keminderan or low sense of responsibility. Keminderan stems from fear (fear), a sense of lack (lack), and a sense of blank (empty). Fear can make us harbored feelings for too long or too fast blow feelings. If we are often quick "nyolot", does not mean it is the courage that drives us, but more often an uncontrollable fear.
In other words, to increase asertivitas, which required not merely memorize the tip to communicate, but rather on the improvement of the soul. The more "confident" of our souls, the more assertive way of our communication. The soul could be improved "confident" equip them with data, facts, experience, commitment, or knowledge in that field. For example, we do not agree with the opinions of people a lot about an affair. So far we have an intimate knowledge of that area, we fear we must decrease or remain confident with our stance. Elimination of fear and increased self-confidence can make your chest wider.
Fifth, the faster the bait or manipulated by the situation. This we can see on the highway. Tersenggol people just a little, want to fight directly. Even a bride who drove a luxury to be wed only once because the car can fight blisters. This can happen because we are easily carried by emotions and situations that place. Indeed, recognized or not, where and when it affects someone asertivitas. So we do not quickly rise to the bait, the way that is needed is self control and direct mouth squabbles with the agreement, decision or settlement.
"If the tool you have is a hammer, you will
brought to view all problems as nails. "
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