Treat Arrogance

Mystery Behind Arrogance

According to the Great Dictionary of Indonesian language, it is called arrogant people who have a sense of superiority and it manifested into a pushy attitude, hubris, arrogance, or hubris. In everyday practice, the arrogance that we enter into the list of vanity. All universal human instinct in this world no one can accept arrogance. Given human instincts and love to hate kearogansian humility. Therefore, the most arrogant people will reject even kearogansian shown to others.

All Scripture in this world prohibiting different forms of kearogansian. Word of Scripture is not to tell (because all people already know), but rather to alert (reminder). Perhaps, because we often forget or are not aware, even though we already know, the reminder is needed in order to realize and remember. One of the reasons why the reminder is important because kearoganan someone can hurt themselves.

Alas the lightest and it is very real: the arrogance that would be a source of error in treating yourself and others. If this is translated to the theory of competence, arrogance that would make a person weak in terms of intrapersonal and interpersonal skills. Arrogance is a distortion. Wise people say, we can not walk a straight line if there are irregularities in his mind.

Questions are sometimes confusing, if the human conscience refuses kearoganan and know what is good, but why this fact is sometimes often emerged kearoganan? Either when observed from the literature or from practice of life, it turns out that there kearoganan us into issues and discussions that are not as easy as we see its physical appearance. Part of the reason is, because the motives behind them vary.

If we reject the kindness of others with a motive for the high prestige or liver, is also close to arrogance. If we reject the advice of others (which in essence it is all we need), with a motive to show that we are the ones who had the most correct, even this close. If we explain ourselves with the explanation that "wah-wah" (but this is contrary to our reality), with motives so that other people perceive us "well", even this close. So, the arrogance that sometimes arise because the motives for the shortfall, fear, incompetence, or because there is something less and minus on ourselves. Arrogance can appear as a form of impingement of keminderan (feeling of lack and feeling of fear).

But sometimes not. Arrogance comes about because it is the fact that we have the reasons for the arrogant. It's like one of the people who become arrogant because of his wealth, because of his knowledge, because of his achievements, because of his expertise, because of his experience, because the family-size, and others.

In management practice, which is considered one of the very danger from people who already have work experience in years is the emergence of arrogance which manifested into a form of attitude or nature, among others: feel is full, a low regard of others, and others. So that became the motive here is the arrogance of someone achievements.

Another thing that often happens too, sometimes it appears as someone kearoganan triggered by certain external factors. Arrogance here temporarily as a reaction. It's like somebody feel humiliated or degraded the dignity of life and take action in the form of attitude and treatment matching. Arrogance shown here is a reactive form of vanity top vanity of others.

In addition to its reaction, there are also other forms of arrogance displayed a person as innate (trait). Here is the innate nature of the point-sfat attached to someone and it's been a long time and have never stepped up to become a kind of label. Arrogance of character like this too often we encounter.

This may be related to upbringing, past experiences, and others. In fact, if you hear many people comment in the field, this kind of arrogance is not only related to personal life history. Occasionally, also associated with a history of social life in a society and as individuals memanifestasikannya personal attitudes.

What is the source?

In theory, all human character, whether good or bad, there must be some influence of two factors, namely the external factors and internal factors. In moral theory it is said that human character is formed from several things, among others: the little gift of knowledge, experience, schools, parents, community environment, reading, mental attitudes or habits.

In the study of psychology known as the term narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Psychology Today (2007), writes that people belonging to these narcissistic, among others, his type is: an arrogant, conceited, self-centered, arrogant or haughty. People who belong to imagine himself as narcissistic is superior or above the others and so they are determined to reflect the excessive lifestyle of success.

In addition, they are also hungry for praise and attention to strengthen her self-value. As a result, the narcissistic model is very sensitive to various kinds of criticism. Even criticism is often regarded as an attempt to bring down or attack. Symptoms and characteristics, among others, described as follows:

- Provide an overreaction to criticism, for example, angry or condescending

- Utilize / uses others to achieve his goal, for example little bit with language telling others that "ordered" or exploiting other people

- Feeling himself as someone important in the excessive concentration

- Enjoy the fantasies associated with the life of a successful, glamorous or luxurious in an inappropriate level of objective needs.

- Expect an irrational treatment

- It takes attention away from other people, hungry for praise

- Easily offended or easily envious or jealous easily

- Lack of empathy toward others

By design not found in nature causes the exact why that person became narcissistic. But a lot of research that revealed that there were indeed certain factors associated with childhood. This is partly too often defended parents who are not educated, excessive praise (the more so that is not factual), a parent who is weak in front of her son, and the less educated to respond to reality in a realistic, fair and objective.

It is a source of external influence when we do not yet have the capacity to choose (feedom to choose) or when still a child. After we are adults, the causes were not valid even if true. Why? We want to get any model of care, the adverse effect of that pride will not return to the model of parenting, but to ourselves. Therefore, after we are adults, the internal factors become decisive. Talking about internal factors, there are some things that we can review to explain the sources of pride. Some of these include:

First, the malice. This venom contains three terms, namely: a) we do not want to see more of others of us, b) we want what other people have received it moved into our hands, c) we want achievement that other people got it immediately disappeared from side. Energized lifestyle envy of energy is often raised vanity. Arrogance that appears it could be to cover keminderan or to show the arrogance and excessive pride

Secondly, ignorance. Stupidity here is understanding the mind closing the door or who is often called "ignorant" (to cover). So it was not stupid in the sense of his little, low education level, do not subscribe to newspapers or magazines, or academic degree does not exist. What kind of foolishness that often make us proud? This example alone: we feel the most right, felt no need to learn from others, felt that all the opinions of others is wrong, and others.

Virus essential folly in the sense that it can affect anyone. A clever person can strike, the academic degree is good, people are low-level academic education, people who want to be pious, and others. People who do not know, but thought he knew everything and refused to be given out, is folly. People who already know, but felt most knowledgeable, also ignorance.

Religious understanding, mastery of knowledge, accumulated experience and achievements are often ignorant of life we do not immediately realize how far to open the mind (the open mind). But, according to Einstein's personal experiences, which most often makes people become stupid (closed mind) it is ignorance. Moreover, if ignorance was coupled with "stubborn" (stubbornness). Perfected in situ.

Thirdly, an imbalance in the put locus of control. So life is balanced, meaning that we should not over and not feel inferior, we are commanded to put the control center in two places. The first one, we are commanded to put it in ourselves. Make yourself as the main control center. The second, plug the controller also outside (make another person as a mirror to fix myself).

If this is not balanced, vanity very often emerged. For example, we looked into more intensive and more ignoring others. This often makes us like frogs in a shell. We feel great myself, feel is everything. We can also actually feel the opposite. We're keeping an unjustified keminderan.

Conversely, if we are more intensive look out and ignore the need to look into, even this once. Frequency of looking out could potentially make us lose the footing, have less self-knowledge that is more accurate, and others. The loss of this ground-potential rise to the disorder. Some form ya pride. Even this more often give birth very unreasonable conceit.

Fourth, the maturity of life. The less mature we are, the more often it appears arrogance. What kind of maturity is life? If you listen to his advice Tao, that maturity is the fruit of a person diving or purport to reality. This is exactly the same advice in our tradition. The man often described as rice. More and contain him, he's getting to the bottom. It digests more and more people (not just experiencing) the various realities of life, the deeper "understanding" it.

Many religious advice which recommends that we look at reality with a variety of colors. For example we are commanded to visit the sick, help the person being trouble, attending funerals, and others. It all really is an instrument to be more "down" into reality. In addition given the variety of instruments, we were given a universal instinct, for instance, everyone was (in essence) are afraid of death, although death is a certainty. Everyone is worried about the disaster, although it sometimes can not be (difficult) avoided. These are all forms of alamiyah instruments we can use to turn off virus arrogance.

Fifth, hedonism. In practice, this hedonism is often understood as a teaching / doctrine of happiness and life menempatakan kesenangsenangan as a single destination. Actually this is not what makes hedonism is viewed less positively. Then what? Hedonism menempatakan material or luxury materials as the sole source of happiness and kesenangsenangan. Hedonism mengenyampingan spirituality. The strength of spirituality that aside this is the major source of negativity, including one of them is pride.

If it is returned to the religion, hedonism is viewed as a gap that allows demons (negative energy) into our souls. Once Satan has entered the soul, then what will be done is lit the fire of hostility (inner or birth), unfair competition, or the comparison of scholastic achievement irrespective of the roots of consciousness to improve themselves (the race to collect treasure and wealth and " flaunt it ").

Therefore, civilization teaches us to turn to spirituality. Spirituality is not anti-wealth and luxury. Spirituality is an awareness here who question: "what is the fundamental reason of our actions, what the purpose, how to make our lives more meaningful more for themselves and others?". This is so that we remain in a state step control.

Learning Process

There are at least two facts that could explain the pride in man. The first, not everyone likes to see pride in others. The second, no one can accept with sincere pride when corrected others. Therefore, the most effective solution is a correction of the self. How? Part of the process that we can do is:

First, always creating a positive comparison. This means that we see others as beings who have excess material and have something that we can make to improve yourself, anyone else's. If we see someone who is above us and we'll try to find the material self-improvement, then kearoganan be controlled. Likewise if you see an equivalent or below. So the point is to bring confidence and perspective that everyone else we see that there are certain sides become excess and that we can make the material self-improvement.

Second, direct correction. Sometimes we come up speech, behavior, and properties containing new pride and we realize that after the happening or when we meditate. Tindakn wise we need to do is correct what we have done so this never happens again and formulate speech format, behaviors, or attributes much of the content of arrogance.

Third, the growing impetus for the process of learning (learning to live). According to theories of learning, there are three essential principles that must be executed so that we do that process, namely:

- Open mind (open mind): add insight, consider the opinions of others, eliminating the passion "felt it was most true self", etc.

- Raises the urge to change into a better direction continuously. Once we've felt he had reached the summit and all the peaks, it is usually easy Satan tempts us to become arrogant

- Improve themselves based on what we've done, whether wrong or right, whether good or bad, and so on.

This learning process will in turn we comprehend the reality of real life.

Fourth, learn to live simply. Simple here does not mean poor or pretending poor. Is a simple proportional moderation. Put simply rich people are avoiding kefoya-foyaan or superfluous for the things that small benefit. Meanwhile, people who simply have not / did not avoid the appearance of wealth is the desire to gain wealth by their own miserable self. This is so that we do not fall into the trap of hedonism.

Fifth, learn to choose an expression, attitude and decisions come from careful humility (humble). The trick? Of course, all kinds. For instance: to see how other people, read books, to correct ourselves in the past, and others. Why is this important? In practice there is always a paradox of Law who worked in this world. That law stipulated that when we are humble, instead of feedback that emerged was the opposite. Conversely, once we snobby (arrogant), feedback also appears opposite.

READ MORE - Treat Arrogance

Overcoming Resistance in Organizations

In the paradox of the Organization

There is a paradox behind our common nature as human beings. We all desire change for the better. Desire and hope is what continues to push us to do something or is also giving rise to dissatisfaction with the current situation. Then where paradoknya? If we refer to the practice in the organization, though all the people longing for new changes, but human beings generally are resistant to making changes.

Moreover, if the wind change was exhaled from the forces outside of himself. For example, management, supervisor, team or organization. Therefore, many of which concluded that human nature is resistant to change. Paradox, right? Crave change but resistance to change, let alone invited to change. The Nature of the paradox is that not infrequently make the organization must make the extra effort (thoughts, time and funds) to make changes.

The problem is, even this may not work. Many companies that the issues concerning the changes should die in the middle of the road and back to the old format because running out of energy and cost to overcome the resistance of its people. Sample size is reform in the organization of Indonesia. First, all people crave the reform. But, when the reform agenda must be implemented, are generally resistant. Each side says that the other party must reform it. Reformation is to Them, not to us.

Why this paradox and resistance arise? Many causes, of course. When observing the practice in the field, its causes, among others:

* Fear
* Do not know
* Feeling unable / inferior (feeling incompetent)
* Too selfish / self group
* No clear reasons for and the steps
* Not included participation in decision making
* And others

The causes of this could still be regarded as the general causes inherent in the person as a social creature. That means there's more reasons related to individual creatures. An example is the motivation to move forward. The stronger motivations for someone to go, the more open him to change into a better direction. Even this motivation is still associated more with other personal issues. For example, if he has a positive mental attitude or negative. The more positive mental attitude, the better the motivations. And so on and so forth.

"Change is no guarantee of repair,
but all improvement begins from the changes. "

Stages In Organizational change
Therefore, there is resistance caused by a number of factors, so in theory emerging management literature that teaches us about the stages we need to do before, during, and after rolling the change issue. What are the essential stages that we need to go?

First, recognition or awareness of the need for change. Whether individual or organization, the reason for the change that must be found as hard, something relevant, and accurate as possible. The most often successful is to make trouble or dissatisfaction as an excuse. According to Kurt Lewin (1951), the change should start from the "why". Hence, he formulated the following steps:

1. Unfreezing: the awareness of the need to change or there is an urgent need for change

2. Changing: programs and actions for change

3. Refreezing: establishing a new change in format

This means that we can make significant drop in revenue, topsy-balaunya operation, or the threat of new products as the reason for the change in the other direction. This is called reverse the misfortune to be wise. Without incident, perhaps we are reluctant to change.

Second, membangkitan motivation. If you want to wear a standard size, which is necessary to find motivation for change is "what is in it for me?", What's in it for me? Therefore, according to his theory Beckhard & Haris (1987), provided the changes are:

* There should be a benefit or advantage that would be obtained if the more successful changes
* Must be led to the perception of a better tomorrow
* There should be steps to make all / most people conclude that it can be done (practical guide)

The motivation here acts like fuel for vehicles. According to his theory, fuel consumption is greatest when going to the street or going to fly. Same also with the changes. Motivation is needed at the time of the change agenda to run. In addition to the touch needed techniques, such as regulations, required also a touch of emotional, spiritual, material, and others.

Third, develop keahilan, open learning process with the risk of errors, or open a faucet the entry of new knowledge. If the organization simply proclaiming a change but not equip the knowledge and skills needed to change, is likely to fail or slow.

Research reveals that as many as 40% failure caused by a change in employee's inability to perform the execution of the strategy changes that have been specified. As many as 35% failure caused by the unpreparedness of change is more change than the actors change. Only 17% failure of the changes caused by faulty preparation of the strategy (McKinsey & Co., Berger, 1994).

Fourth, the old culture to accommodate the new culture more conducive to change. Why should wear the way of accommodation? From experience in the field, if we want to change habits or culture by turning directly, this is very difficult. Would be easier if we run hand in hand with the new. Accommodation means that rather than banning the old culture, but with a new filling. In this way, the old culture that wants in is omitted, will gradually go away.

How to accommodate it? When referring to the various concepts of building a corporate culture, organizational culture is derived from the three forces below:

* The values adopted for life, forms certain beliefs and assumptions of the founders of the organization.
* Lessons from the experiences of people in the organization in accordance with the dynamics
* New values, new beliefs, and assumptions that brought the new-entry by new groups or new leaders into the organization

In other words, if we want to suppress the old culture, then we must bring new values, new beliefs, experiences and new pengatahuan, some new people, new paradigms, new situations, and so on. New things that can be streamed down through a few lines below:

* Blonde (Symbols): The logo, uniforms, technology products used, or other external attributes.
* Imitation (Imitation): mindset, assumptions, patterns of attitudes, beliefs, behaviors or habits that resulted from the duplication of the seniors or their predecessors
* Eksperiensi (Experience): experience in dealing with problems or experience in realizing the idea
* Education (Education): training, seminars, learning (learning), regulations, work systems, work norms, story-telling, on-job coaching, the teaching, etc..

Fifth, improvement rewards (performance-based compensation). These rewards should we interpret the material rewards and non-material, in accordance with their respective circumstances. Reward improvements this is the major evidence that all parties can enjoy the fruits of change. If it until people in the organization had no reason to conclude that change and did not change at all its rewards, it will be difficult. It is not probably going to turn into a negative direction.

Last is the control and streamlining of the various irregularities that potentially thwart the change. Borrowing the theory of religion, in addition to need an invitation to change into a better direction (amr ma'ruf), also needed to prevent the deviation (nahyul munkar). The second is usually effectively done by people who have power and legitimacy.
"All progress requires change.
Any change requires courage to face risks
of you already know to who yet you know. "
(George Shin)

Several Kick Overcoming Resistance
Although the above steps we have already run in such a way, does not mean that the resistance was over. Resistance will still be there. In the field, this resistance can we classify into three:

* Resistance objective, reasonable, sensible, and it was stated
* Subjective-passive resistance, it is unclear why an organization, personal and quietly
* Resistesi subjective-active, it is unclear why an organization, person, against the blatant

For an objective resistance, much less openly declared, and its purpose is also clear in the organization, of handling more clearly. The difficult part is overcoming resistance is subjective, whether passive or active. Well, a few moments below there are probably efficacious if we practice:

1. Get support from people who are powerful or influential group of people who are resistant or can go into them. This could be from internal sources (people in) or also from outsiders who are already familiar with several people inside. What this does not actually build the hostility? This is just a tool and because it depends on how the appliance is used.
2. Frequently invite people from outside to provide new insights about the importance of change, whether it's a motivator, speaker, or anyone else. As long as they have the capacity to inspire and motivate change, it was OK.
3. It should also raise a coalition that supports the change to reduce the number of people who are resistant. Can be done with the mutation, rolling, forming a new working group, and so on
4. Facilitating change in attitude as far as it can be done, it makes sense and does not provoke jealousy of others. This can be done if the reasons and motives resistance reasonable, objective, and for the good of the people
5. Blended threats and rewards as a strategy to foster participation. If only the threat of it, the resistance can still be done "discreetly". But if it only benefits alone, this can lead to jealousy and a sense of injustice
6th. Showed evidence of progress or achievement gained from the changes to open the consciousness of people who are resistant
7. Implementing Performance Management (reward management) so that there are clear differences in terms of reward between good performers and those whose performance was not good. If until the people who support it get the same reward to people who are resistant, this will certainly hamper.
8. Using a variety of appropriate ways to communicate. For people who do not understand, use a clear-cut explanation (clear understanding). For senior people, use the call-is smooth. For people who influence, use language that glorifies. For a lot of people and different schools (eg in meetings), use language that is easily understood.
9. Using coercion that have been agreed upon within the organization, such as warnings, pemutasian, decrease, up to dismissal.

In the tradition has been handed down in this world, the organization is always a winner when the size is a lose-win. But, because they concern the resistance and that participation is a human soul, it's time we look at it from the other side. Hopefully useful.

"Others Can you temporarily stop only if you Can Strive for it consistenly"

READ MORE - Overcoming Resistance in Organizations

Won - Lost In Relations

Lock It Self Victory

The term of this lose-win very often we come up with in the practice of relationship with others (Relationship). The relationship here could include the relationship in public areas (business partners, professional colleagues, lecturers, etc.) and relationships in private areas (husband and wife, family, friends, etc.). The form can also be material and non material, may be in the results or in the form of the process.

The urge to get that victory, if by Horney (Our Inner Conflict, 1945), including one human needs or include an innate instinct of everyone. According to him, human needs can be grouped into three:

1. Humans need to move toward others to get love, acceptance, compassion, respect, etc.
2. Humans need to move away from others to gain freedom, independence, peace, etc.
3. Humans need to move against another person to show strength, victory or excellence, etc.

However, his name is also innate. It is the innate potential. That potential raw material. Therefore, can be harmful and could be beneficial. It just depends what the potential was processed or "educated". Someone I know, let's call her name A, realizes that her relationship with others that had been lost, although previously he had always thought that victory.

When I was young, he was feeling a temparemen A high and a perfectionist. With blood in his youth, he always had a standard that others who need to understand who he is. Coupled with his high skill mastery, it was perfect standard to be applied. Few found irregularities in others, directly out ultimatums. This made him frequently changing business partners, and also moved a lot of work.

Over time, he apparently changed his mind. In conclusion, a victory that he had glorified, it is less able to provide quality long-lasting relationships. The urge to always have to win it even led to the defeat in the future. The form, among others: the relation is not much, the relation is only temporary, lack of loyal supporters, and so on.

From a number of similar cases that often we meet, it is always relative and victory is relative, as far as we understand it as a synonym for the defeat of others. Why? Besides often driven by passion, victory by beating the other person will create resistance. This is because no human being who want to be defeated. Therefore, kesatriaan doctrine teaches that until we have to win against any other person, should not make others fall in prices.

So the victory was not relative and not relative, wisdom teachings in this world invites us to understand the victory was not like that. The victory was not to be understood as a synonym for the defeat of others, especially in the practice of everyday relationships, but the victory over self. Victory over self is the form that we achieve victory by mastering an innate instinct to win so do not make us lose, eventually.

"The more people who managed to beat us,
often only made us increasingly weak position "


Some features Self Victory
The man who won over him was not a figure who has never advanced to compete in a lose-win relationship. The man who won over him was not a very good figure, so too will be victimized by others. The man who won over him was not a man who never mad at anyone else.

Need we recall that the victory itself that there is at the level of interpersonal relationships between us and ourselves. That there are others who opened the door of lose-win contest, there are other people who harm and benefit, there are others that need to be respected or reprimanded, that's all there at the level of interpersonal relations between us and others.

In essence, people who triumphed over him was still doing the things that human life or still face realiatas consequences arising from relationships with others. Only difference is:

* First, the victory over himself is concentrating on efforts to fight for the vision, realize its goal of short-term or long term, or in order to actualize the potential for achievement. For example, we face the battle of office politics has reached another level dropped. As far as we are still able to concentrate minds and act on the vision, goals, and the actualization, then we have achieved victory.

* Second, the victory over self that maintain the values of truth, goodness, and kemanfaatannya was not debated anymore because it was absolute. In some cases, this requires sacrifices and often looks like a defeat. Therefore, in religion, if we even bad luck with maintaining the value, it's not unfortunate, but the exam (bala '). This exam is the moment to test whether we will commit and wait for our initiative, or only half-measures. Often there are people who have a clean hard to find a job after resign or repent of a dirty old job. If this person loses his senses, he will easily return to a dirty old job. But if he wins, he will successfully pass the exam. Because there are often a test and this defeat, so the Lord cautioned not to defend someone who was fooled by the reality of the value of a temporary and superficial.

* Third, the victory over self-aligning self-interest, personal subjectivity, or the selfishness of personal desires to the values, teachings, or common sense. So, we come first before the interests of value. Everyone must have a personal interest because there gunanaya even this. The difference is, there are subordinated to the values, teachings, or common sense and some ignore it all. Proof of submission is not at all be measured by our statement in front of others, in the place of meeting, or in front of the press, but from the evidence that we do for ourselves. To borrow the phrase Covey, submission of evidence that could distinguish whether the submission is on the "What" (what is the right) or on the "Who" (personal or agency). If we've succeeded tuduk reflect on "what" (the value of truth that is no longer debatable), it means we're getting a good victory.

* Fourth, the victory over self in ways that avoid harm or harm, either for themselves or others. If we lose the engagement, motivation, and improvement ideas in the office because of seeing injustice, although it humanely, but we've lost his life by ourselves. Properly, while still trying to resolve injustice, then we keep doing positive things for ourselves, minimum. Victory over self that actually is not an end but a process that we must travel in order to achieve the goal. The goal is to uphold the vision, maintaining the value, or self-development. That is, if the process of reaching this goal halted because of irregularities and violations of other people, it means that the goal of victory itself was not achieved.

* Fifth, it took the victory over self and pulled out. We will win if successful draw lessons from whatever happens to us for processing a benefit or profit can we remove from ourselves. In this way means that improvements will continue to appear for improvement.

A lot of evidence that shows that self-victory had positive effects not only on the territory intrapersonal relationships, but also on the domain of interpersonal relations. The positive effects that can appear either in order to encourage or face other people as opponents. For example we would like to invite the couple we (husband and wife) to celebrate the birthday of the child at home. If we come up with is personal taste, all the more personal egoism, will usually meet with resistance or bring a sense of counterculture.

But if we come up with it is partisanship on the values of simplicity, benefit, or any value, it is usually better accepted and relatively smaller potential for the emergence of a sense of counterculture. Of course, should be supported with good ways of communicating that partisanship. Even if this stance has become a culture of life, usually it will be understood as charisma. Charisma will appear comparable with our alignments.

According to Terry Orlick (The Wheel of Excellence, 2004), an expert on sports psychology, self-victory that will determine the fate of an athlete in the ring. Not all athletes who beat rival opponent will be the winner. Could be a victory when it will be the beginning of defeat. Likewise, not all athletes who were defeated in the ring it will be defeated forever. Could be a defeat when it is the road to victory.

These dynamics will be determined by the victory itself. Athletes who lose in the ring, but continue to learn from defeat, still practicing, while maintaining the values, or still have a positive attitude, will surely win eventually, either in any form. But the athletes who win in the ring, however, the lazy practice, ignoring the value, more press coverage than concentrating on training, he will lose later.

"Before you become a warrior, you must be a winner"
(Doctrine of the Samurai)

Relationship Dynamics
In daily practice, the dynamic of human relationships. The dynamics of this relationship when referring to the thoughts Tom Jaap (Enabling Leadership, Achieving Result with People, 1989), can be explained as follows:

1. Concession (Concession). We realized the need to succumb to make other people feel about winning or feel happy (a lose-win), either in the form of attitude or results.
2. Compromise (compromise). We invite others to be equally accept losses (a lose-lose), can be 50%: 50% and could be 40: 60, depending on circumstances.
3. Consensus (consensus). We are creating a win-win agreement, all parties felt to win, or nothing is harmed, minimum.
4. Coercion (Coercion). We lead others to be lost or to create a strategy that makes us more victory, either by force a hard or a soft-. Usually, this is often taken by a powerful person (the position above) or powerless (insecure or afraid)

Fourth on the dynamics that we could be there or there is a Condition as a strategy that makes us conditioned by certain external factors. Supported by a victory that far away, as we have seen its characters in advance, so there are only three possibilities:

* We will both win,
* If we lose, the defeat was not total or is not lost forever, and
* If we win, the victory was not to make others fall in prices themselves.

"The defeat was temporary in nature,
but it would last forever if we lose by ourselves. "

READ MORE - Won - Lost In Relations

Behind the daring deeds

Between reckless & Determination Nowadays we often hear that the level of violence is really fantastic. Not sure if it was indeed an increasing quantity and intensity, or indeed because of the increasingly genjar pemberitaannya. What is clear, the violence just seemed closer to our lives.

We hear there's a mother who smothered her three children one by one. All three died. This happened in Bandung. In Malang, so that happened. In Central Java, there is a subordinate, the police, shot dead his boss and fired him. In Central Java, there is a young cop who brought a grenade which exploded in his office ready. This young police do not want the case to a court appointed personal. Still many others, and others.

Does a mother can kill her child could be said to have lost maternal instincts? Does a policeman who killed his boss and killed him it was no longer the same love of her life, the same family and same career? From the evidence is still alive, the answer is not black and white. This is the mystery man. Said the researchers, the biggest mystery in the world is a space between your ears. Space that is our brain.

Mothers who kill their children still have a sense of affection. Where there's a mother who lost her affection? In fact, the news said, the mother who killed her son was actually triggered by a sense of affection. The mother did not want their children to later life difficult as he was. So unfortunately it with the child, he finally took such action. Then, why in that way? It also includes a mystery.

Well, sometimes, so hard we refer to such actions, we call it desperate deeds. One of the most prominent feature is the appearance of paradox between before and after. Before the act took place, usually in question have a strong will to act occurred. But after going, there was regret why the action occurred. Unfortunately, regret is always late.

When referring to the Great Dictionary of Indonesian Language, was either reckless or determination was referring to the same source. Source it is willpower. The difference is that one does not focus, or simply based on impulse and is often not rational, and the other was directed, or based on values, vision, goals and objectives.

According to the dictionary, is desperate pertinacity which is based on the indifference to anything (since the end of hope, lost my mind, the shame that is high enough, and so on). While determination is a will / will of the plan or resolution. People who ignore the rules of the truth of his actions, common sense, or we call norms of desperate people. Conversely, people who act on target for sure we call people who have a high determination.

In practice, a reckless act that could occur in different levels / scales and patterns. There are still in low levels or only harming yourself, or others are already harming people. There is an instantaneous reaction occurs because, by default, make mistakes or go crazy, but there are also planned outside the awareness of right and wrong him, by design, as in the case of two mothers at the top.

Despite the existence of levels and patterns, almost all the desperate deeds that left regrets or guilt of the perpetrator. An employee who immediately wanted to resign when his superior reprimanded, can sometimes be sorry too. This usually occurs when the actions he did as a momentary reaction has not been considered on the merits in the future for himself.

Self Control Capability For those of you who feel often do things outside the control of action and it really hurt, then you have to do is to correct your ability in self-control. In the theory of competence, a person's ability to control themselves, including the key (key skills). In a number of service companies that deal directly to the public (customer), this ability is the pillars of the profession. Someone will be dismissed if he did that hurt her reckless actions, other people and organizations.

If you read the explanation Spencer (Competence at Work, Models for Superior Performance, 1993), self-control is the ability to manage emotions in order to remain under-control and his ability to refrain from acts of brutality when there is a trigger, there is opposition, or are in the condition suspenseful (stressful condition). People who have such capabilities, it is usually still able to use common sense (do not go crazy or not frantic), still can bring a positive perspective and stay calm (stable).

Now, to find out how far your ability to control yourself, below which no explanation can we make such a reference to self-correct.

§ You are easy to lose control, easily frustrated, easily wreak emotional expression exploded, or ineffective in carrying out activities because of uncontrolled emotion (scale: 0)

§ You would prefer to avoid stress or prefer to avoid the things that potentially cause inconvenience rather than fight the desire or achievement. You prefer a quiet but safe rather than forward but it took the struggle (scale: -1)

§ You are resistant to various pressures or temptations (scale: 1)

§ You can control your emotions but not yet able to use it constructively (scale: 2)

§ You are able to respond calmly and discuss them fair (scale: 3)

§ You can manage stress effectively, does not affect the results of the work or do not affect the process jobs (scale: 4)

§ You can respond constructively: to build a more positive and anticipate problems (scale: 5)

§ You have to calm yourself and other people or be able to play a role as a leader (scale: 6)

In addition to using the explanation above, we can measure it by looking at how we are in addressing the things that you do not want. About This way, there are so-called

§ Reactive

§ Proactive.

Surely we are already familiar with two terms above, even more so if we love to read his book Stephen Covey, Seven Habits that. Reactive person is a person whose actions more often based on the impulse-moment or dependent on external stimuli (without the process of thinking or consciousness vote). Because we insulted the A, then we reply to humiliate him. Because our bosses scolded, we responded with anger also. Because we are a small salary so we steal, and so on.

While a proactive person is someone who has made his decision or action thought process, based on the true values (what is true, what is good and what is useful). Those highly reactive potentially reckless act that causes penyelesan. Conversely, highly proactive person who gave birth to resolve potential-positive determination to achieve positive goals. Therefore, still according to Covey, one of the cornerstones of effective habits of life is learning to be proactive.

According to the theory of logic (Manthiq), there are nine models a potentially wrong decision. One is when we are reactive. The nine are:

§ The decision directly to the conclusion that black and white, wrong is right; immediately make judgments, accusatory and semisalnya.

§ The decision is based on the fact that shallow.

§ The decision is based on the influence from the outside alone or only part of it.

§ The decision is based on bigotry in the opinion of a person, without reasonable consideration.

§ The decision is based on the influence of ancestral traditions.

§ The decision is based on instantaneous outbursts (reactive) and the lust for a moment.

§ The decision is based on the desire "Different Origin", "Origin of Non Si Anu", the negative competition, and semisalnya.

§ The decision is based on things that are purely external.

§ The decision is based on misconceptions.

Those are some references that we can make the kind of guidelines to measure whether we are reactive or not, whether we are more often (potentially) or reckless action "determined action".

How Emotion Coaching? Of course there are many ways that we can do to train the emotion. Below are just some of many that we can do. It's the most important point here is not about how, but rather on his way. Some ways that include:

First, learn to create both a positive emotion or constructive (good cause). If we suddenly heard someone say something about us and it was negative, we must have annoyed dong. If we are betrayed by someone, it is fair we are disappointed. When we scolded people, indeed most of us angry, too. If we are in a stressful situation, of course, we also stress.

Well, annoyance, disappointment, anger or stress in conditions as above, it is called emotional first. That first outbursts usually have not had time to think about. And again, this is usually difficult to avoid. Is this one of the first emotion? Not necessarily as well. During the fair, proportionate and do not harm, bisalah was practically human. Sometimes dangerous is when too far or more than fair.

In order not to much too far, do not allow the emergence of a second, more negative emotions, exaggerate or even aggravate the problem. We need to learn to come up with a second, more positive emotion or a more controlled to reduce or anticipate the first emotion. Can be imagined, if we develop the first cell negative emotions, the little problems become big. There are 'used to be the man who killed his neighbor because the goat and cassava leaves?

So, angry, annoyed, disappointed, and semisalnya it may be difficult to avoid when we suddenly get something undesirable. But, lest we even let him increasingly angry, increasingly irritated, the more disappointed we are continuing to make dark. Kontrollah, rimlah and munculkanlah both positive emotions. If any indirect positive for other people, minimum is positive for our own.

Second, do the fasting or certain other rutinas that could improve the ability to control themselves. All religions and all spiritual teachings in this world include fasting as a basic or essential curriculum. Even including the health sciences. On the physical level, fasting is yes refrain from eating or drinking within a specified time with the intention of self-improvement, self or religious approach. Of course these terms so long as the physical condition of our support.

But, so fast we had a better effect, it was commanded not only the physical fasting. Physical fasting could be called skin. Fasting is commanded fasting spiritually and materially. Inner Fasting is refraining from a variety of adverse negative encouragement to ourselves, others or the environment, both in the short term or long term.

Third, follow a variety of activities involving many people and requires high energy. This example just came to the club in accordance with our favorite sports, social volunteer, entered the work team, and others. Why is this important? Our emotions are more educated in line with the maturity level. To achieve a higher level of maturity is needed processes. One process is our willingness to improve themselves from a variety of friction, conflict, consensus, cooperation or association with others.

Fourth, increase awareness in others, particularly those close ties with us. It's like children, wives, husbands, parents, suadara, friends, and others. Why is this important? From the various cases, reckless action that did not happen spontaneously and do not stand alone. There are already certain habits that support ever. Some of these are, for example, closed (introverts), less care (selfish), less social (anti-social), lack of empathy, and others.

Logically, if we want to launch a desperate act, but then we remember the parents, children, wives or husbands, remember sin, etc., what likely would happen? Chances are we will not think twice or so. Remember the positive things and mempositifkan we, therefore, becomes important. Because of that, either religion or science, forbidding the use of harmful substances which eliminates the common sense or memory. Already many desperate acts performed by a person when drunk.

Fifth, grow stronger awareness. That is like what? Stronger awareness is when we realize that our only and only from our emotions improvements would occur. So, lift your self as a leader or a controller. Why? If we always rely on the state or anyone else, surely there will always be people who support the state or to act reckless. Therefore, we can drive themselves to us. You are the law of yourself. Hopefully useful.

READ MORE - Behind the daring deeds

definitions of success

The biggest failure is when
we never tried


Fear of failure is not an excuse
not to try something

The road to SUCCESS is always full of holes and always should be repaired

Success is based on imagination, coupled with ambition and a willingness

Success is the achievement of goals or ideas gradually

READ MORE - definitions of success

science and reason

Person's self-revealing prices

Only a fool and the fool who belittle science and expert

Someone who study one chapter from a science better than the world and its contents

Science is a friend of a friend in time alone and lonely time.

Science is the best clue.

Science is the most important clue.

Science is to save you, it is folly membinasakanmu.

Science is better than wealth. Studies that take care of you,

While your property must have a guard.

Every thing was reduced if dikasikan others unless science, science will increase if you share with

other people

Science is very fine, besides it is easy and simple,

READ MORE - science and reason

Dodged in tough times (part 2)

i. Adding source feed

"if that work just imagine, sure hard. If wanted, sure a lot.
But, if treated and thought, usually a little easier and more. "

before really up, almost sure everyone is slow or fast, now or later, government will raise fuel prices. Even if that party is protests, but usually have government ultimate weapon. "this is the last choice." some say, what the president and staff expert pak was not tired or not shy repeat the words every time raise fuel? Some members of the board of certain fraction again even more spicy commentary.

But, as we know, things such ordinary occurrence. In the end, according to the already-it's habit, and equipment are increased fuel. And when that fuel raised the eve and after, be sure to increase rates hindered goods that we use daily. If this is, will be affecting bag everyone on the individual level.

If mix pareto theory, may only 20% of people this state that does not increase affected by the itu. The remaining 80% screaming. More-more like if that concerns the analysis of economic events (may not happen). Those words, if the world oil price trends through to figures eur. 150 per barrel, from which now usd. 120, then we will be there in the great social tsunami. Now this is just a lot of factory because not strong shuttered breathing. According to koran news, layoffs will continue to grow waves if so the government will raise fuel prices.

What can we do as an individual? As we have discussed in part one, not even the many things we can do for improving external macro states (national), but in fact still a lot that we can do for improving personal situation-micro (private). Sure did not hand rolled as easy, but the principle personal solution that will there.

By reference standards and the most we can do that, the solution that we can source breakthrough is to increase revenues and reduce expenses (increasing in reducing income and outcome). By conceptual, feed source that can be added by our ways below:

doing what halal
even if it's not the ideal choice, but too many people as taken some solutions. Do not want to be a little graduate or personal driver taxi driver. Their principles, origin halal, why not? "than we are not erratic idle, while we also need prices, and already apply everywhere calls but would not come, we take yaaa aja"

there are also an employee in jakarta multinational enterprises have that additional business. While work, she also for a particular marketing work environment. Do this for life cover the cost of ter-cover is not anymore by salary. "what not shy? Whether action is ethical?" her words, this is how someone putting himself up.

Again that there must be real for taking decisions in the company or contract workers in factories. Have never even been years of experience working in the various companies, but because the jobless, yes finally received any contract employees. More-more than reason jobless and find work contract system that does not use that already imagine the difficulty.

That's some examples of what can we take spirits. In essence, adding feed source that can do with the way in which offered to receive the work we are near or work with our (although not ideal). Many sources applies to those who add revenue by doing business side capital does not need high, or distributors be like marketer.

We must do admit that carry out the work to add a source of income in practice is not stop that in important matters that halal. Inside every self matters human dignity alone there, status symbol, courage, experience, shame, and others. To overcome this, there are some things to remember, among others:

concluded that do not what you do as the terminal end of current or final chance. Understand this reality as temporary or short-term solution, or also as a mediator purpose. Because of that, we need to have a great purpose or main objectives our passions. Keep in mind and fight for cita-cita what in your career.

* fight used to work or the relevant trade status with you, like writing, translate, teaching, dst.
* running or business that work outside the ideal / desire, but while fighting for relevant.
* do not forget to add skills, knowledge, or information about the work and improving how to think. We can do this practice of direct and reading materials (books, articles, koran, dst). If only we are focusing on the money alone, usually we can only survive. But if we focus on money and knowledge, more will outcome.

For business or discovered that additional work, do need to sample many, many references need, and to many initiatives. According bandura, adult learning resources that have two important, namely: observing their own actions (wrong-right-benefit, success-failure, dst) and observing the behavior others. "if si anu can, why can not my?" "how can so like her, yes?"
"that we are now not as important as where step with this than we will move."

increasing productivity work
add a source of income can be done by enhancing productivity. Ability to produce productivity means something. This might suit size we are dealing with quantity of work is calculated from which we produce. Some ways that we can travel, among others:

1. Improving method or tehnik.
2. Adding time or energy
3. Adopt the use or technology new technology systems are already there

is identical to the its hard work (hard work). The options are, if we are not able to work smart (word people, that are working smart job it was a little, but outcome lot), ya we need to work hard, work more for more results that reached.

Remember that we need to increase productivity problem that is not merely okol (labor) and time. Productivity linked with very practice in using our thoughts and feelings. Thought for finding use various ways, tehnik, or the idea (creative). Do not overload yourself with various negative feelings. Replace or stop by the positive.

If you have power and have time, but your mind to see more often tergunakan the dark side of the world or just tergunakan to come up with a deadly opinion, of course you can not productive. Also once if you let it appears that does not support the blasting emotion, such sad, passion low, upset, and so on. Just for sharing experiences, not write that labor problems, time, and problems of knowledge nor alone. Equally important then how are we using the mind and feelings to design a text.

"many things that we can not do with good
just because we have a feeling that was not good "

improving the quality of work
supplements income by increasing also can do quality work. This is the most ideal. Just, the ideal that can be done only through the process of training and learning. Can work for smart, general himself in person train hard work first. Rarely there are applying directly to work smart system that has no experience working hard.

If context, is to add a source of income, then improving the quality of work that can repair system approached from marketing, business or occupation to choose which called by management theory of high-pay-off area (which there will pay high), and others. Equipment required course creativity, innovation, and networks.

Nah, that's part of what can we stance so vote for stratagems. Of course we have other ideas that much more to create a great source of existing feed discussed above. What if we do not have all the same good idea? Suggested edison, terms to have good ideas that are as much may come up with ideas. That's a lot of ideas that then we have a chance for which selecting relevant and where are not, and where that which can not run, where the need high prices and where that need a little prices.

"most people have no ability of ideas for the switch in focus less because giant using the resources or less there is focus in particular master."
(anthony robbins)


ii. Reduce expenditure

by conceptual, dodged that can not for just think enough to add source of income. Equally important is to adjust expenditure or reduce waste. We can do this with actually various ways and we already know entirely, just like:

distinguish between needs and wants or which distinguishing between urgent (primer-urge, like credit card or pay the debt), main (important and urgent), important (but need not urge) and waste (not urgent, no major, and not important ). In theory, we all know this already, but in practice, is often we forget.

Lifestyle adjustment does, just like the use of cellular, tote sophisticated equipment technology, control the use credit cards, and others. This course each have their own size based circumstances. Philosophies, the technology equipment all that prices created to streamline, to facilitate life, or to increase profit. If this does not happen, there may mean waste.

Set financial, for example by saving. Basically, the saving habit this much money is not problem or have a little money. Words an advertising, that is the problem paradigm saving life, self-control, or how to think. Many people think that there will be after saving money from the rest of monthly or daily needs, and who-money is scarce left. So how? Self-control. If not be able to control, is to force other ways with self-bought or delivered goods management expert to more people.

And still a lot more that we can do. Been said, including this nation that we extravagant: spendthrift in thinking and action, boros energy use in the not renewable (fuel like, electricity, and others), and wasteful spending wealth in. Often because we see that many people are not rich simple, so too many poor people are not simple. Put simply avoid the rich are spree. Put simply, while avoiding the poor are begging.

READ MORE - Dodged in tough times (part 2)

Dodged in tough times (part 1)

i. Anticipation two matters

Actually, according to the taught wisdom of our fathers, we need that in anticipation of this life (at least most important) there are two. First, we need to anticipate the coming of replies bad deeds of the individual or as we as a group. Why should be anticipated? Yes. We all know if it's true deeds that bad bad will bring retaliation. Logically, we may not yet marijuana planting rice that which grows.

Cause effect logic, action - is often ignored consequences we do not think so or anticipate the arrival of replies bad that when and how shape. Most people assume that bad consequences of action that will be bad brought in later after we die. We "punished" by the angel whose responsibility is to punish and not to know that there are others. No more bad deeds who argue that it later sins deleted with too can repent and crying in places worship or "run" to religion. God 'kan forgiving.

Frequently happen by living in practice, gets the assumption in the disclaimer of reality often. Consequences of bad deeds it comes unexpected, unpredictable shapes not, and that rather than later in the afterlife. And how often would not his unexpected. When someone to start using drugs syringes, then she also may not think that is the threat also could spread hiv to his wife or his son any threat or death, serious threat for intelligence, and others.

When we used to still tolerant and enjoy cultures bribery, then we may not think that when cultures someday lead to an uncontrollable crisis like this now. All improvement initiative menthok hindered by mentality cultures built from bribery. By einstein musings, due to bad deeds of anything that can scarce capacity solved using like to think the same time we start to do it. Due to bad that more can be wild (wild).

Second, we need to anticipate the arrival changes are outside the poor control. For example is oil and food price changes in world market prices for high life, at least opportunity to get additional income, employment opportunities reduced, soaring crime rate, unemployment is soaring, and other onwards. The severity of the crush was so hard explain this time, there are now-now to tell you that these are not the most good looking for work or business. He said, that is the most good looking for loan or debt. All goods from start electronic, automotive to property, for sale by credit. Now this anything credited.

Nothing else to say more ridiculous. Create if business, trade with selling bikinlah falsehood and fantasy. Must sell. Like, bikinlah prizes sms, sms forecasts luck, sms guess words with gift house, car or cash money many millions. According to the koran investigative reports, turn enthusiasts fantasies products that are the youth of total or semi jobless unemployment, worker or non-formal level down, children not yet baligh, or housewife. At the expense of pulse around 2000 silver, whose value is not how now, they are getting the fantastic fantasies.

Back to bad the problem of changes in our natural right now, that changes are outside our control. Let alone we, the government are not promissory. How many times the president, vice president, or sudden inspection minister to do to reduce the market price, no outcome but how? The merchants complain low purchasing power. The buyer complaining about price hikes. The entrepreneurs complained low profit margin. The employee salary complained weakening received.

Past, like what anticipate? Tehniknya may we need our situation with customize. But, before that tehnik implemented, there must be the change in the head understanding. Understanding one of the fundamental changes that are necessary:

"even though we can not do that much for changing national circumstances, but we can still do a lot of changing circumstances for personal,
and that we can do it on our situation, right now. "


i. Things we need correction

correction of attitude
what is attitude? Attitude is how we express life choices. Attitude is how we create a self-posture (the inner and the birth) when dealing with matters, dealing with people, or dealing with reality. The situation in hard out there, that was the situation that hard. But, attitude to the situation that we are options. We can see that as a pressure situation which may not really exist or could see also solution as a challenge that must have the solution. Options that are not create a situation, but we.

By jung (1971), attitude is the capacity psychological readiness for action or someone how to react with certain specific to object. When we understand that behind the same situation that we will not find what can we do gap for treatment, then we will take the readiness is the readiness for lose. Otherwise, if we create understanding life is like the above, then we are readiness readiness to win or readiness for doing things positive.

So, what we need is a correction of attitude we have positive or negative attitudes. Are, whether positive or negative attitudes that, that our choice. Only, usually have a positive attitude consciously chosen and rational (based on the reasons for reason). More-more when we are in bad situation. So, your inner programlah to bring positive attitude to the situation of the poor.

Hard situations that we are living hard make. But, if we failed creating a positive attitude, then we are hard not just make situation. We would join our attitude with self complicate. Practice of life, the role of attitudes that show we determine that much more than the situation. Because of that, the motivator often reminds us: "what happens in you (what's in you) much more than what determines happen to you (what's on you)"

"there is scant everyone on differences, but that little difference is big enough to make the difference. Difference is that the attitude of some selected person. While difference that is great that whether positive or negative attitudes." (clement stone)

correction mentality
aspect mentality that we need is a correction to whom we rely chance of life? Aspects of this very important when dealing especially distress. If we are more often during this relying on others, whether it's personal, individual, group, organization, or countries, then this is the mentality needs to be corrected. During this so if we are also more often rely on the lord. Surrender our responsibility unto the lord with our lives how bad surrender to the fact. Even this needs to be corrected.

Past to whom we should need to rely on? We need to make that is the main andalan we are with all that we do business. Rely consciously here means we ourselves as a source pointed initiatives to overcome problems or for goals reached that we want. Just because not enough self-reliant, then we need to others and need god. So, rely on yourself but do need god and need someone else.

"there are living in this paradox. Usually, people like that good chance rely, instead often get chance bad. Otherwise, hard working people who rely, often getting better chance."

what is with this mean we rely academic refused resignation? Of course not all the same. Understanding by religion even if healthy, relied near here's more to the actual meaning resignation. Means are surrender resignation (mengkuasakan) affairs to god. But, resignation not be used here as a breakout (escapism), but as a business process of barrage: do something, landasi with faith, then resignation. Mental health will offer resignation.

So, by scientific, resignation context that have four, and everything back in business (rely). That is the fourth context:

* business to obtain benefits / gains,
* for defense business benefits / gains,
* business for removing hazards / problems, and
* to anticipate hazard / problem.

Means, not someone who can be called resignation choose to let problems or crush he faced. Not people who can not be called resignation raises initiative to do something for making what she wants. And on and on. So, our understanding of resignation in order correction we need any more with near reality.

Correction capability solve problems
everyone already have a problem and all people are creating the solution, but a different is where the extent that have the solution for treatment of treatment. Economic problems when we pressed, for example, stealing or selling drugs, that is the solution. Also making debt solutions. Harder work smarter or by adding improving the quality of business or business solution also.

Same-same even solutions name, but the resulting kindness will vary. One solution to problem even add gede more level. Solution to open second new problem with cook if not counted. Or we can not make solutions for the long term. Third is the solution solution solution that really.

Are all people already know that if a third solution will not easy. Free, easy or hard, actually solution that's third most feels lighter side and also the most good consequence. Experience of many people who have been successful third creating solutions, apparently they have a distinction. What i mean distinction here is the will and ability of their minds in switch (think).

Nah, linked with our desire to dodged in tough times, three is our ability to think on, namely:

* conceptual thinking ability: imagine accurately as possible what you can do for improving the situation, when your life from this location, with what was there, and can also do this now
* analytical thinking skills:-break broken shadows into your targets and plan your small-target-action or action on small that your abilities. Learn from experience yourself or others. Do not be tempted chasing the big easy but not real at the same time. Focus and desire to see opportunities, not seeing the problem and crush
* creative thinking skills: how to find as much possible in the field. Find the comparison of others, find a better tehnik for making that good or more more

hopefully useful and see you in the next section.

(to be continued part 2)

READ MORE - Dodged in tough times (part 1)

Between optimism and hope

During this most people hope interpret and optimistic same as the two themes, or interchangeable. Part of that hope is longer consider optimistic part of or otherwise.

Be an optimist, pessimist do not, this would mean having hope optimistic person? Optimistic itself or means hope, or otherwise, that people have hope means optimistic?

Talk about optimists drag other one theme that almost always follow, is pessimistic. However, when we talk about hope, pessimistic not always follow, if different subject optimistic, pessimistic terms almost certainly become opposition penegas.

Hope

hope is the sum of the mental willpower power international way that you have for your goal (snyder, 1994)

mental element in three basic hope, namely (1) goal (goal), (2) strong desire (willpower), (3) off road (way power).

Goal is any objects, or experiences that we outcomes imagine and in our minds desire (snyder, 1994)

have hope for the mean have goal achieved, achieved, obtained. Purpose of this is important as the main component in a hope. We want to get something like a house on the mountain, performance or activity in place (campus, office) like two days job done faster than project deadline, or arrange performances arts with success.

Dynamic movement have such purpose in the range from the start size to may not sure. Like, as we want students to change image of indonesia to be positive negative eye in the world. Purpose of this range in mental 'not possible' to 'sure can'. Next step, how this range narrowing and sharpening?

What we need is to focus attention yourself on one main goal, goal that make something as important and large meaningful solder then wrap strength and hope in yourself. When we have in place that purpose confirmed special, mental basic elements of the next take over else. Before we willpower stepped way to the next power.

Willpower is in the driving force helpful thinking (snyder, 1994)

how strong desire for surrender our goal is making the next will speak. The boxes in mental firmness containing ourselves and commitment we will help to move with directions for making effective goals we have set in the beginning.

We will be easier if this willpower move nature in our cognitive able to imagine, clearly understand and present such essential purpose. Willpower represent cognitive abilities in making our initiatives and activities sustainable goal reached.

In case the above, we need to formulate clear and concrete what is turning into a positive image in the world indonesia. Other variables are important considerations to be here as we are students. As a student, what can be done to achieve goals / desire that? Like; psychology student research competition won the international level.

Experience success in the past are one of the basis of basic mental strength in this, but this is not to start off card.

Power reflects the way or mental plans road maps that guide hopeful thought (snyder, 1994)

not just making goals desire / desire, but also can not how to get left behind. Power as a way to find mental abilities and creating effective way.

Once again, very purpose of clarity will help this way power plan and solutions published various actions. Related production activities with the solution, then flexibility crucial role. "if you can not do it in one way, do it another way" gives the motto be comprehensive picture.

In case earlier, we define after clear goals for the race won the international level psychology student research, then what steps that can be reached? Our ability to play here still so wide, we can make a list of such; do your own research, if requested will see many difficulties, we can develop cooperation with the national institute researcher, in cooperation with lecturer, making friends with one self research campus, do topic choice represents that most of indonesia, character study competition held, and others.

We have discussed study of hope, may start with what difference quite familiar that we often equate (confuse) that is optimistic.

Optimistic

the learned optimism optimist approach suggests that have a style of explaining events and so they distance circumscribe their failure (snyder, 1994)

turn on the mind is optimistic about what happened to one person, specially events bad. There are three main dimensions in optimistic;

(1) as a factor mistake putting yourself from external

(2) evaluating errors in perspective will be continuing to continued or not

(3) looking only fault with explanation on a specific area than comprehensive saw like, which is possible factors not related but looks can be a cause.

"yes, my bad did swimmer, but you have to see if my basketball deh" the optimist give reason for external events as bad explanation, the difference with pessimistic the are, in in the opposite extreme. If then optimist sees events bad mistake as yourself from external, internal factors of saw pessimistic (blame yourself, like), and rigid and global interest attribution.


Hope, optimistic and pessimistic
in case of students who want to change a negative image to be positive in indonesia eyes world. Individual which have hope will rely willpower, power way to achieve goals (positive image). Individual while looking optimistic about negative image of indonesia as a result of political world conditions that iraq war because heats. On the other side again, people will pessimist said, "well, it is from the first, when to indonesia always lose any other countries from"

connecting the hope that someone is in the process of success, failure to make this out to be or not too outline sharpened, mental process because that happens is formed to achieve something interwoven, that is success. Temporary event theme optimistic still brings bad / failure.

Not that there are scarce joked, "sih optimistic be optimistic, but realistic dong" means, one process is not yet optimistic definitely improving conditions in negative happens (like) and it's making sure the real results. How would also, optimism without hope, will not be nothing, and hope without motion and business, also making no nothing. All back in motion and business

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FINDING YOUR EROTIC ZONE

Subtleties Zone Erotic Erotic Zones are specific points on the body when
will induce a feeling of delicious touch. Despite feeling that is felt can vary between individuals, the dots "certain" that was part-filled with nerve endings. The skin in those areas most sensitive when you get a touch.

The most important point in a woman is the clitoris. This region is the most important part to achieve orgasm and sexual pleasure. Other points are also known to produce pleasure is an area between the legs and anus, which is generally called the perineum. Nipple is also known as a very sensitive area. Nipple will experience 'erection' when experiencing sexual pleasure. Stimulation of the nipple area - particularly with the use of mouth - will cause the release of oxytocin, a chemical believed to be associated with the emergence of feelings of close or tied. Area
lip is also filled with nerve endings.

Of course, every woman has their own favorite areas, ranging from the neck, ears to places where more unique as the center of your lower back or legs.

What about the G-spot? G-spot is a network on the front vaginal wall (the part closest to the abdominal wall) and touted as the most stimulating zone. G-spot is supposed to be part of the clitoris and the rear is identical to the prostate gland in men. But regardless of its origins are anatomically, there is little evidence to support the G-spot role in achieving orgasm.

Navigating erotisKarena zone every woman has a very big difference in feeling a touch, why would you not try to explore, find these dots together with your spouse? Each, in turn can explore the points that may stimulate and create pleasure in their partner's body, using touch with a bit of pressure.

But that should not be overlooked is that the largest erotic zones of a woman lies on her brain. Attracted to them physically and good relations are the two most useful stimulation.

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Masturbation

Masturbation is the deliberate stimulation performed on the genitals to get sexual pleasure and satisfaction. This is occasionally done by most men and women. In a study revealed that 95 percent of men and 89 percent of women reported having masturbated. This is the first sexual behavior done by most men and women, although more women than men engage in intercourse even before they had ever masturbated.

Most men who masturbate tend to do that more often than women, and they tend to express 'always' or 'usually' have an orgasm while masturbating (80: 60). This is the most common sexual behaviors number two (after intercourse), even for those who already have a regular sexual partner.

Most of the children - often after the baby - sometimes find pleasure when stimulated genitalnya organs, but do not understand this behavior as "sexual" before they enter adolescence. During adolescence, the percentage of those (both male and female) who masturbate increased rapidly, especially in men. Most people continue to masturbate in adulthood, and many do so conceived body lifetime.

Masturbation conjures up many myths about its damaging and embarrassing. This negative image could be traced as far back as the word comes from Latin, masturbare, which is a combination of two Latin words manus (hand) and stuprare (abuse), so that means "abuse by hand." Notion of shame and sin are already entrenched due servings
"Misuse" of the word has remained in the modern translation - even though medical authorities have agreed that masturbation causes no physical or mental harm.

Nor is there evidence that children who engage in self-stimulation could have celaka.Yang happens is an important source of sexual satisfaction is by some circles still responded with guilt and anxiety because of their ignorance that masturbation is a safe activity, as well as teaching religion centuries who regard it as a sinful activity. Moreover, many of us have received negative messages from our parents, or been punished when caught masturbating during childhood. Cumulative effects of these events is usually confusion and guilt that is often difficult to sort out. Moment in which masturbation became so dangerous is when he had penetrated the soul (compulsive). Compulsive masturbation - as other mental health behaviors - is a sign of psychiatric problems and need to get treatment from a psychiatrist.

So, contrary to ancient beliefs, masturbation does not lead to unbridled lust, you will not cause blindness or deafness, cause you cold, crazy, grow hair on your hands, stutter, or kill you. Masturbation is a natural expression of sexuality and is not harmful to man and woman, and a great way to experience sexual pleasure. In fact, some experts argue that masturbation could improve sexual health because it increases one's understanding will be body parts and how pleasing, building self-confidence and attitude can understand ourselves.

This knowledge can then be taken to obtain a satisfying sexual relationship in the future, either by masturbation couples together, or because they can tell each other what is most pleasing to them. This is a good idea for every couple to discuss the behavior of their masturbation and to calm the couple if at any time one of them would prefer to masturbate
than intercourse.

In some instances, masturbate together may be acceptable. Done alone or in the presence of a partner, these activities can be fun and add to mutual intimacy if it is not considered as a rejection. Like other activities, if this was not communicated well, masturbation
can be interpreted as a sign of anger, alienation, or unhappiness to the relationship being berlangsung.Dengan overcome negative stereotypes of society and personal feelings of each individual about masturbation, then the men and women could be the freedom to explore and enjoy their sexuality in private, in a way that satisfactory. One caveat: to keep getting safer sex, masturbation with a partner can be an enjoyable alternative to intercourse, as long as you avoid contact with semen or vaginal fluids your spouse, especially if you have any scratches or open wounds.

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