Between reckless & Determination Nowadays we often hear that the level of violence is really fantastic. Not sure if it was indeed an increasing quantity and intensity, or indeed because of the increasingly genjar pemberitaannya. What is clear, the violence just seemed closer to our lives.
We hear there's a mother who smothered her three children one by one. All three died. This happened in Bandung. In Malang, so that happened. In Central Java, there is a subordinate, the police, shot dead his boss and fired him. In Central Java, there is a young cop who brought a grenade which exploded in his office ready. This young police do not want the case to a court appointed personal. Still many others, and others.
Does a mother can kill her child could be said to have lost maternal instincts? Does a policeman who killed his boss and killed him it was no longer the same love of her life, the same family and same career? From the evidence is still alive, the answer is not black and white. This is the mystery man. Said the researchers, the biggest mystery in the world is a space between your ears. Space that is our brain.
Mothers who kill their children still have a sense of affection. Where there's a mother who lost her affection? In fact, the news said, the mother who killed her son was actually triggered by a sense of affection. The mother did not want their children to later life difficult as he was. So unfortunately it with the child, he finally took such action. Then, why in that way? It also includes a mystery.
Well, sometimes, so hard we refer to such actions, we call it desperate deeds. One of the most prominent feature is the appearance of paradox between before and after. Before the act took place, usually in question have a strong will to act occurred. But after going, there was regret why the action occurred. Unfortunately, regret is always late.
When referring to the Great Dictionary of Indonesian Language, was either reckless or determination was referring to the same source. Source it is willpower. The difference is that one does not focus, or simply based on impulse and is often not rational, and the other was directed, or based on values, vision, goals and objectives.
According to the dictionary, is desperate pertinacity which is based on the indifference to anything (since the end of hope, lost my mind, the shame that is high enough, and so on). While determination is a will / will of the plan or resolution. People who ignore the rules of the truth of his actions, common sense, or we call norms of desperate people. Conversely, people who act on target for sure we call people who have a high determination.
In practice, a reckless act that could occur in different levels / scales and patterns. There are still in low levels or only harming yourself, or others are already harming people. There is an instantaneous reaction occurs because, by default, make mistakes or go crazy, but there are also planned outside the awareness of right and wrong him, by design, as in the case of two mothers at the top.
Despite the existence of levels and patterns, almost all the desperate deeds that left regrets or guilt of the perpetrator. An employee who immediately wanted to resign when his superior reprimanded, can sometimes be sorry too. This usually occurs when the actions he did as a momentary reaction has not been considered on the merits in the future for himself.
Self Control Capability For those of you who feel often do things outside the control of action and it really hurt, then you have to do is to correct your ability in self-control. In the theory of competence, a person's ability to control themselves, including the key (key skills). In a number of service companies that deal directly to the public (customer), this ability is the pillars of the profession. Someone will be dismissed if he did that hurt her reckless actions, other people and organizations.
If you read the explanation Spencer (Competence at Work, Models for Superior Performance, 1993), self-control is the ability to manage emotions in order to remain under-control and his ability to refrain from acts of brutality when there is a trigger, there is opposition, or are in the condition suspenseful (stressful condition). People who have such capabilities, it is usually still able to use common sense (do not go crazy or not frantic), still can bring a positive perspective and stay calm (stable).
Now, to find out how far your ability to control yourself, below which no explanation can we make such a reference to self-correct.
§ You are easy to lose control, easily frustrated, easily wreak emotional expression exploded, or ineffective in carrying out activities because of uncontrolled emotion (scale: 0)
§ You would prefer to avoid stress or prefer to avoid the things that potentially cause inconvenience rather than fight the desire or achievement. You prefer a quiet but safe rather than forward but it took the struggle (scale: -1)
§ You are resistant to various pressures or temptations (scale: 1)
§ You can control your emotions but not yet able to use it constructively (scale: 2)
§ You are able to respond calmly and discuss them fair (scale: 3)
§ You can manage stress effectively, does not affect the results of the work or do not affect the process jobs (scale: 4)
§ You can respond constructively: to build a more positive and anticipate problems (scale: 5)
§ You have to calm yourself and other people or be able to play a role as a leader (scale: 6)
In addition to using the explanation above, we can measure it by looking at how we are in addressing the things that you do not want. About This way, there are so-called
§ Reactive
§ Proactive.
Surely we are already familiar with two terms above, even more so if we love to read his book Stephen Covey, Seven Habits that. Reactive person is a person whose actions more often based on the impulse-moment or dependent on external stimuli (without the process of thinking or consciousness vote). Because we insulted the A, then we reply to humiliate him. Because our bosses scolded, we responded with anger also. Because we are a small salary so we steal, and so on.
While a proactive person is someone who has made his decision or action thought process, based on the true values (what is true, what is good and what is useful). Those highly reactive potentially reckless act that causes penyelesan. Conversely, highly proactive person who gave birth to resolve potential-positive determination to achieve positive goals. Therefore, still according to Covey, one of the cornerstones of effective habits of life is learning to be proactive.
According to the theory of logic (Manthiq), there are nine models a potentially wrong decision. One is when we are reactive. The nine are:
§ The decision directly to the conclusion that black and white, wrong is right; immediately make judgments, accusatory and semisalnya.
§ The decision is based on the fact that shallow.
§ The decision is based on the influence from the outside alone or only part of it.
§ The decision is based on bigotry in the opinion of a person, without reasonable consideration.
§ The decision is based on the influence of ancestral traditions.
§ The decision is based on instantaneous outbursts (reactive) and the lust for a moment.
§ The decision is based on the desire "Different Origin", "Origin of Non Si Anu", the negative competition, and semisalnya.
§ The decision is based on things that are purely external.
§ The decision is based on misconceptions.
Those are some references that we can make the kind of guidelines to measure whether we are reactive or not, whether we are more often (potentially) or reckless action "determined action".
How Emotion Coaching? Of course there are many ways that we can do to train the emotion. Below are just some of many that we can do. It's the most important point here is not about how, but rather on his way. Some ways that include:
First, learn to create both a positive emotion or constructive (good cause). If we suddenly heard someone say something about us and it was negative, we must have annoyed dong. If we are betrayed by someone, it is fair we are disappointed. When we scolded people, indeed most of us angry, too. If we are in a stressful situation, of course, we also stress.
Well, annoyance, disappointment, anger or stress in conditions as above, it is called emotional first. That first outbursts usually have not had time to think about. And again, this is usually difficult to avoid. Is this one of the first emotion? Not necessarily as well. During the fair, proportionate and do not harm, bisalah was practically human. Sometimes dangerous is when too far or more than fair.
In order not to much too far, do not allow the emergence of a second, more negative emotions, exaggerate or even aggravate the problem. We need to learn to come up with a second, more positive emotion or a more controlled to reduce or anticipate the first emotion. Can be imagined, if we develop the first cell negative emotions, the little problems become big. There are 'used to be the man who killed his neighbor because the goat and cassava leaves?
So, angry, annoyed, disappointed, and semisalnya it may be difficult to avoid when we suddenly get something undesirable. But, lest we even let him increasingly angry, increasingly irritated, the more disappointed we are continuing to make dark. Kontrollah, rimlah and munculkanlah both positive emotions. If any indirect positive for other people, minimum is positive for our own.
Second, do the fasting or certain other rutinas that could improve the ability to control themselves. All religions and all spiritual teachings in this world include fasting as a basic or essential curriculum. Even including the health sciences. On the physical level, fasting is yes refrain from eating or drinking within a specified time with the intention of self-improvement, self or religious approach. Of course these terms so long as the physical condition of our support.
But, so fast we had a better effect, it was commanded not only the physical fasting. Physical fasting could be called skin. Fasting is commanded fasting spiritually and materially. Inner Fasting is refraining from a variety of adverse negative encouragement to ourselves, others or the environment, both in the short term or long term.
Third, follow a variety of activities involving many people and requires high energy. This example just came to the club in accordance with our favorite sports, social volunteer, entered the work team, and others. Why is this important? Our emotions are more educated in line with the maturity level. To achieve a higher level of maturity is needed processes. One process is our willingness to improve themselves from a variety of friction, conflict, consensus, cooperation or association with others.
Fourth, increase awareness in others, particularly those close ties with us. It's like children, wives, husbands, parents, suadara, friends, and others. Why is this important? From the various cases, reckless action that did not happen spontaneously and do not stand alone. There are already certain habits that support ever. Some of these are, for example, closed (introverts), less care (selfish), less social (anti-social), lack of empathy, and others.
Logically, if we want to launch a desperate act, but then we remember the parents, children, wives or husbands, remember sin, etc., what likely would happen? Chances are we will not think twice or so. Remember the positive things and mempositifkan we, therefore, becomes important. Because of that, either religion or science, forbidding the use of harmful substances which eliminates the common sense or memory. Already many desperate acts performed by a person when drunk.
Fifth, grow stronger awareness. That is like what? Stronger awareness is when we realize that our only and only from our emotions improvements would occur. So, lift your self as a leader or a controller. Why? If we always rely on the state or anyone else, surely there will always be people who support the state or to act reckless. Therefore, we can drive themselves to us. You are the law of yourself. Hopefully useful.
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